Looking back...

Looking back..u were sweet then..
Looking back..it was never how it is now..
Looking back..u were never like this..
Looking back..how i wish i could rewind the clock.

If only i knew..
You didn't use to message so many people. Now you do it so often even when we're out together. You make it seem like your friends are more important than me. I cannot talk to you about these problems becos u will just choose the easy way out; divorce. Easy for you to say..and then you go on about how you're still young..u regret..blah blah..but u never realise how big a commitment this is..u never really cared about how i feel..u just want things your way and this wasn't how it was in the past that's why i chose u.

U cheated. I forgave. You told me to quit smoking, i did. And u picked up.
u didn't use to go out and club so often. Now the excuse is "i've always loved clubbing, just that not many of my friends were interested. Now i have many friends who club, that's why."

Ever since the incident, we never really did "patch up". It still hurts and i don't know how long it'll be. I don't wanna get a divorce cos I made that commitment and i know what i got into. U don't. and u think it's as easy as "let's split".

I really don't know what to do. I don't know how much longer I can take it.
Sometimes I feel like just disappearing and never coming back.
I don't think u need me anymore.
I don't know why and I don't know how to feel anymore.
God, i asked for help many times but it never seemed to work.
I'm at my wits end.
I pray that You will help me before i do something stupid.