Looking back...

Looking back..u were sweet then..
Looking back..it was never how it is now..
Looking back..u were never like this..
Looking back..how i wish i could rewind the clock.

If only i knew..
You didn't use to message so many people. Now you do it so often even when we're out together. You make it seem like your friends are more important than me. I cannot talk to you about these problems becos u will just choose the easy way out; divorce. Easy for you to say..and then you go on about how you're still young..u regret..blah blah..but u never realise how big a commitment this is..u never really cared about how i feel..u just want things your way and this wasn't how it was in the past that's why i chose u.

U cheated. I forgave. You told me to quit smoking, i did. And u picked up.
u didn't use to go out and club so often. Now the excuse is "i've always loved clubbing, just that not many of my friends were interested. Now i have many friends who club, that's why."

Ever since the incident, we never really did "patch up". It still hurts and i don't know how long it'll be. I don't wanna get a divorce cos I made that commitment and i know what i got into. U don't. and u think it's as easy as "let's split".

I really don't know what to do. I don't know how much longer I can take it.
Sometimes I feel like just disappearing and never coming back.
I don't think u need me anymore.
I don't know why and I don't know how to feel anymore.
God, i asked for help many times but it never seemed to work.
I'm at my wits end.
I pray that You will help me before i do something stupid.

What's New...

Nothing. There's nothing fucking new. Everyday is the same fucking bullshit over and over again. I can never understand why. I try to be optimistic and look forward to each new day as they say time heals all wounds. Fuck that. Each day when I try, you just dont seem to do the same and i'm left alone again. When can you ever start respecting the fact that we are ONE? When will you start opening your eyes? WHEN?! FUCK!

we hardly kiss anymore. we dont even hold hands nowadays. nothing seems like before. i live life in pretence making it seem like everything is all good. Well, it's not. I just want to wake up from this bad dream. I am desperate to wake up! So help me God.

The Worst Life Ever

Everything in me died since he came into the picture. Misery is what I felt for weeks but yet no one was truly able to understand the pain and hurt I carried inside. Even until now, things seem to have gotten better but it isn't really the same anymore. Suspicion, insecurity and devastation has been rocking my mind. It has been messed with like never before and it would probably take a very long time to recover from this mental warfare. I hide behind a smile almost everyday as I am afraid to show my true feelings for fear that it might spark an issue. Yet you are so insensitive towards how I feel and never really bothered about my concerns. How do I free myself and make things like they were before? Someone please tell me.

The dark clouds began to form as I slowly withdraw into the darkness.
As the rain falls, I am reminded of the hurt and pain that was caused.
The lightning strikes hard and trees and branches are shaken violently.
Alas! The branches are unable to bear the strike and drop to the ground, and there, my heart lies, shattered.